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💡 TLDR
Drop everything because you’re probably a puffer fish. No, not the fish—this is the human version of that prickly, inflatable creature that’s basically a walking emotional grenade. You know the type: …
Drop everything because you’re probably a puffer fish. No, not the fish—this is the human version of that prickly, inflatable creature that’s basically a walking emotional grenade. You know the type: the one who ghosts after a few dates, avoids deep conversations, or flips out when someone gets too close. Sound familiar? You’re not alone. Therapist Kati Morton, author of Why Do I Keep Doing This?, coined the term “puffer-fishing” to describe people who push people away to avoid vulnerability. And honestly, it’s so relatable.
Puffer-fishing isn’t just about dating. It’s a pattern that shows up in friendships, family dynamics, even work relationships. The thing is, it’s not always intentional. For some, it’s a survival mechanism. “You’re afraid of being hurt, so you stick your spines out instead of communicating,” Morton explains. Think of it as emotional armor—like a tiny, flailing version of the fight-or-flight response. If someone gets too close, you either ghost them or start a fight. It’s not about being rude; it’s about protecting yourself from discomfort.
But here’s the kicker: this behavior is often rooted in trauma or past experiences. “A lot of my clients learned that closeness equals criticism or unpredictability,” says therapist Julie Newman. Maybe you grew up in a family where emotions were unsafe, or you dated someone who turned on you. Over time, your brain starts associating intimacy with danger. So you puff up, push people away, and feel better—until you realize you’re sabotaging the very people who matter.
The fix? Start by labeling your emotions. If you notice yourself avoiding a conversation or shutting down, ask: Why? Is it fear of being hurt? Guilt? Trauma? Once you name the feeling, you can address it. Morton says her own puffer-fishing started with fear of disappointment, but now she “leans in” instead of running. “When my husband said something that bothered me, I confronted him instead of ghosting. He apologized, and I felt relief.” Small steps, but they work.
💫 So are you a puffer fish or a human being.
So are you a puffer fish or a human being? Let’s chat!
❓ People Also Ask
What makes a puffer fish a bad person to date?
A puffer fish is self-centered, toxic, and emotionally abusive. They manipulate, gaslight, and drain partners. They prioritize their needs over others and lack empathy or accountability.
How can you recognize a puffer fish in a relationship?
They constantly criticize, control, and belittle. They avoid responsibility, blame others, and use guilt. They lack respect and thrive on power imbalances.
💬 What do you think? Let us know in the comments! 👇